In Pakistani culture, infertility can be one of the reasons but exploring other factors like love marriage and family pressure, and religious reference are also common factors. Mrs. Imam was the first wife with a love marriage and she had two female children in three years. She has been married for 40 years. Appointments were previously taken and the interviews were conducted at their places for their convenience. In most cases the husband will go back to the wife and apologise after his elders have spoken to him. In the normal course of events theres no need for formal structures in polygamous relationships as the wives usually work most things out for themselves, he says. Gabe and I won't have that. She got a marriage proposal from a married man to be his second wife as his first wife had a medical condition due to which he had not been able to sleep with her for last 11 years. That tends to bring with it even more debt and insecurities. Mrs. Gulzar said "I had no option other than to make a compromise and accept co-wife because of my female kids. Barber N. Explaining cross-national differences in polygyny intensity: Resource-defense, sex ratio, and infectious diseases. Mrs. Mustafa though convinced her husband of second marriage but she said I was very much distressed and lonely after the 2nd marriage of my husband. After those three days I regretted everything and I blamed myself for her heartache, he says. The study findings may be inconsistent with the previous one except for the religious factor due to cultural differences. So second marriages tend to have less of the giddiness and more of the serious daily life attached. So she said I always support my husband for equal treatment with all wives because this life is much better than the previous one." Social Change. But Im his last.. I allowed and agreed to my husbands request for a co-wife to have more children. She also claimed that love with time is declined and she preferred to accept co-wife rather divorce to safe their marriage and secure her daughters future. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. She almost lost her life I couldnt bear the thought of losing her. He kisses the back of Lillians hand as he talks. A Tajik court found him guilty of polygamy and of driving her to suicide, but spared him a jail sentence and ordered him to pay a $1,300 fine. Problematic: Polygamy can be problematic from a legal and religious way. Though she faced a lot of criticism from the first wife. According to Mrs. Abdullah (3rd wife: Amina), she and other wives are living in the same home and got along well. To find out the reasons for multiple spouses by men. That does not negate their significance to you and your partner (s), but the union will not be recognized by the law. While in past empirical tests showed that children are strategic complements. 2019; 86(3): 1332-1370. Instead it is the familiar routine of waking to an arm around your waist, the companionable bathroom talk with mouths full of toothpaste, and the idea that someone will know if you dont make it home at night. She has never absolved me from the sin of being happy. She said "first wife of my husband always get more privilege than me." Later on, she came to know her husband has married her with the support of his family for a male child. His family says it was unaware of any "second. disadvantages of being a second wife islam. Journal of Moral Philosophy. Then I learned that marriages arent like cars, independent of the people in them, to be fixed according to an owner's manual. The psychological health of women is essential to raising a sound, healthy family and should receive high priority, particularly in developing countries where resources are limited. Mrs. Arslan did not avail of divorce and said it was her fate to share her husband with her co-wife for the future of her children. Mrs. Ahmad being 2nd wife told that after second marriage "I and my co-wife did not get along; our children also did not get along, and there was constant bickering between us. She stated I prefer not to attend the same social function or activity with my rival (co-wife). Tarrant County Mugshots 2020, Who Is The Black Woman In The Audi Commercial, Why Does Shrimp Foam When Boiled, Cdl Speeding Ticket 15 Over In California . Rossi P. Strategic choices in polygamous households: Theory and evidence from Senegal. A few years ago, her mother was killed in a car accident. Provide the three areas that were Islamized. And another wife Mrs. Kamal reported," in the beginning when I thought about the second wife I engaged myself in different activities because it always hurts me." Al-Krenawi A, Graham JR. A comparison of family functioning, life, and marital satisfaction, and mental health of women in polygamous and monogamous marriages. Are self-compassionate partners less jealous? You get easily insecure and offended as you feel that everything your spouse does revolve around his ex-wife and kids. I live in a rented flat and pay half the rent. Even if children are more or less accepting, the ex more than likely wont be ok with the new person in their childs life. Table 1: Frequency of co-wives for infertility, only female children, love marriage and family pressure as reasons of polygamous marriages (n=11). He didn't want to leave his first wife because they had already had 4 children together. Between birth and death: Female infanticide in nineteenth-century China. like grandparents, aunts, and uncles, etc., may not ever see you as an actual parent of the other persons biological child. You feel the need to establish more control over the decisions of your partner. But after few months it was disclosed. Mrs. Kamal reported "in the beginning when I thought about the second wife, I engaged myself in different activities because it always hurt me." The real term for that arrangement is polygyny, "the practice or condition of having more than one wife at one time." Poly was defined above, and -gyny probably looks familar, from words like misogyny and gynecology: it's the Greek gyne, "woman." The supervisor of the study verified the emerging themes and contents. No one does; no little girl longs to grow up and walk down the aisle to the strains of "Here Comes the Second Bride, All Dressed in an Ivory Suit." ASEAN Journal of Psychiatry ISSN: 2231-7805 (In Print)E-ISSN Hence, before you embark on your marital journey, you must understand the second marriage problems and how to handle them. Prevalence of mental health problems in women in polygamous versus monogamous marriages: A systematic review and meta-analysis. I am the grown-up woman he married as a grown-up man. Polygyny, the marriage of a man and two or more women at the same time, includes an analogous sororal . Data collection from the participants may have been affected by differences in age, years, and rank in marriage, educational level, and religious faiths. Islam allows for a man to marry up to 4 wives rather illegal relationship. Polygamy as sort of status symbol. Yet even though we have gallopped past our twentieth year of marriage, I am still considered The Second One by certain of our acquaintances. All of that financial mess can translate into a financially difficult second marriage. One of the disadvantages of being a second wife is that for some reason, people are far less accepting of a second wife. Then communicate every detail to your wife she deserves that. Mrs. Imam, Mrs. Ahmad, Mrs. Kamran, and Miss Nadia also admitted co-wives relationship and compromised with this relationship (Table 3). Its a hard stigma to run away from and can lead to many second marriage challenges. Eva wasnt happy, but her husband went ahead and traditionally married the two women without her consent. Three themes emerged from the study based on findings. It's like when you are a kid, and you have had the same best friend since you were a baby; then, suddenly, in high school, you have a new best friend. Accepting polygamy does not make. Second theme: outcomes of polygamy as jealousy, unhappiness, and loneliness due to injustice, by the spouse were explored as potential pitfalls of polygamy. Thereafter you will be billed R75 per month. One Sunday morning Thamsanqa sat her down and asked her how shed feel if he took a second wife. I was 14 when mom and dad told us Mam Thembi would be our second mother. One of the disadvantages of being a second wife is that for some reason, people are far less accepting of a second wife. The strength of the study is an attempt to seek the coping strategies of co-wives to deal with such relationships in the Pakistani context. But by then, no one can picture you without that first friend. "Risk"? Polygamy is a practice in which a person is married to more than one person at the same time, most commonly a man to several wives. Dont be too quick to bash him, Lillian advises other women in her position. He loved her, and I was fond of her, Lillian says. Couples Therapy: Whats the Difference? Her relationship with her co-wife was perceived to be sisterly. 'I don't care about anything. Polygamy | Becoming A Second Wife | Accepting Other Wives 13,077 views May 15, 2020 154 Dislike Share Diaspora Ukhti 3.66K subscribers This is a survey only! 15 Signs of a Histrionic Narcissist in a Relationship, How to Make an Anxious Avoidant Relationship Work: 15 Ways, 15 Signs of Narcissistic Parents-in-Law and How to Deal With Them, 15 Signs of a Clinically Covert Narcissist Husband, Why Do I Attract Narcissists: 10 Reasons & Ways to Stop It, Denial Stage of Grief: Signs and How to cope, 10 Ways to Deal With Your Husband Not Wanting You, 5 Ways to Fall Out of Love After Infidelity, Treading Carefully: Getting Back Together After Separation, 3 Ways Separation in Marriage Can Make a Relationship Stronger, 10 Things You Must Know Before Separating From Your Husband, 12 Steps to Rekindle a Marriage After Separation, How to Combat the 5 Glaring Effects of Anxiety After Infidelity, How to Have a Trial Separation in the Same House, Feeling No Emotional Connection With Your Husband, How to Get Back Together After Separation, 6 Ways to Tell if Someone is Lying About Cheating, 5 Signs That You Are Living in a Toxic Marriage, 7 Important Tips to Build Trust in a Relationship, 10 Effective Communication Skills for Healthy Marriages, 20 Signs of a Married Man in Love With Another Woman. The study investigated the causes of polygamy, outcomes, and women's coping strategies to deal with co-wives relationships. Many young women might regard being a second wife better than remaining single. Mrs. Arslan told that she was shocked when she came to know about her husband's affair. Could Your Relationship Benefit from Marital Counseling? And there remains a slight sense of imbalance. Mrs. Kamal was also a childless first wife from the past 6-8 years and she accepted a co-wife rather than divorce. The historic context was that men often died in battle . Al-Sharfi M, Pfeffer K, Miller KA. The effects of polygamy on children and adolescents: A systematic review. As some statistics have it, we are one in every four married women you will meet. Rehman J. At the very least, the term "second wife" has a very negative connotation. She told, It was very shocking and tragic for me to have another female in my husband's life". The study was an attempt to gain perspective about the causes of polygamy, its consequences, and the most important womens ways of coping strategies in polygamous marriages. A new law that went into effect in Kenya this week makes it legal for a man to marry as many women as he wants. The Review of Economic Studies. 5. Whats not typically expected is becoming a second wife. These are jealousy, poor marital satisfaction, unhealthy competition, lack of trust, and many other mental health problems [12]. Polygamy has become common practice in many communities including Pakistan. They must be educated through different seminars and programs to cope with the stress and manage other consequences of polygamy. We have an ordinary life. Opponents of decriminalization say the current law should not be changed because polygamy is inherently dangerous and harmful to women and children, particularly young girls, some of whom have. To sum up: I am married to a man I love and am lucky. In rare cases, men have carried on double lives, marrying two women and supporting two families, with neither wife knowing about the other. But the current qualitative study is an attempt to fill the gaps that are left unexposed by survey-based or quantitative research and particularly to explore the positive consequences of polygamy and coping strategies which the polygamous women used to deal with co-wives relationships other than causes and disadvantages of co-wives.