Ill never understand the chicks who want to blame/curse/fight the other woman like the dude has no part in the whole mess. But it is a dickish move to get someone pregnant and then decide youre not going to be involved in that childs life. It could fail. Part of the agreement was they he was to never have any contact with the child. I appreciate the points youre trying to make. No, he could be furious at the legal system that compelled it or at the woman (who, by the way, was equally culpable in the creation) who opts to continue with a child only she wants. Email usyour questions for Dr. Sherry now and be sure to include Ask Dr. Sherry in the subject line. Healthy relationships don't come from a situation like this.. It amazes me how people can say things like That whore slept with my boyfriend! and keep a straight face. She barely knows her new boyfriend, yet she's already pregnant with the guy's baby and is forced to plan a future with him. Heres the fact: LW, you dont get a say in what this woman does, and neither does your boyfriend. But biology runs the show and grown adults know the game going in. Unbelievable Lets start a familyyou know, if the condom doesnt work. Is the same thing going through a womans mind when she decides to have sex? I think your anger is severely displaced and I think I know why if you evaluate the situation without being blinded by your inability to live without this guy, you would see that his true character is shining through and its probably not someone you really want to be with. Thanks for listening to me. Then, when you decided to get back together he wasnt so sure he wanted to be in a relationship with you. He said he felt forced to be with someone he doesnt love and, blah blah blah. And she doesnt have to be a liar to have been on antibiotics, thus rendering the pill largely ineffective. Thus, her meal is tainted with traces of peanuts. The primary relationship in someones life is allowed to (and should) remain the primary relationship, even after the later appearance of children. Again, not unusual, and since the LW and the guy were broken up, the LW has no claim to what the guy could do after the breakup. But I answer younger peopleI even have made some comments on Teen Rant. .of F****** Idiots. Im guessing that shes in the UK or Ireland, or perhaps New England. Yeah, but theres a lot of harshness toward the LW as well. And as a grown adult; as a person whos lived 40 years and should have acquired a sense of decency and maturity; you should own up to the consequences of your actions. The divide between the populations of men and women that make up people differs only by a couple of percent world wide, so unless your definition of the term people consists largely of men, that argument falls through. I feel like a part of me has died . We dont even know that this other woman told the bf that she is pregnant. April 10, 2012, 6:28 pm. You shouldnt be following so closely behind someone that if they were to suddenly slam on their brakes you wouldnt be able to stop (for a billboard, for a kid running across the street, because theyre being dicks, ect). The LW said that he is furious that shes keeping the baby. Heh, are you suuuuure you still want to be a professional therapist? Go argue with the feminists. April 9, 2012, 2:37 pm, Well, its always possible that shes NOT in her right mind. Where does the stork fit in? If you cant live with those outcomes, dont have sex with her. Yes, the woman in question should have been just as involved in making sure she didnt get pregnant as the man. Your are putting words into peoples mouths. Unless Im sure the guy will make it worth my while, Im not going to do it. But I almost laughed out loud when I read untrappable. The baby is coming, the product of a two month relationship. Also, it delights me that you base your assumptions on general human behavior on the Jerry Springer Show. April 10, 2012, 7:15 pm. She wants to abort Jimmys baby. I think we can all agree that the safest thing for men to do is to simply masturbate alone, while wearing a condom. So your boyfriend said he wants nothing to do with his own child (except the required child support) and that didnt make you run screaming the other way? reader, Maaeexo+, writes (11 November 2010): A He sounds like a conceited, arrogant, narcissistic a-hole. I could understand that he would be shocked and unhappy, but who does that? Men should not rely on women for their own birth control unless the two people in question are in a committed relationship. Its not some big secret that women have that option and that men are legally obligated to provide financially if she exercises that option. Women can decide to abort the pregnancy or to give the child up for adoption, both of which are choices that remove any future obligation. Then, fine; but you need to consider the possibility of having to deal with this malarkey for the rest of the time you and your boyfriend are together. So, to be clear, every woman who has had an abortion is, in your mind, an immature asshole. Its not a mystery. What kind of 40 year old cant live without their SO. Are women less able to care and provide in todays society? Yes, its true it is past the point. So the fact that none of your good friends have HIV (which is good to hear) doesnt necessarily mean that they are more capable of using a condom than the heterosexuals you know. Look you can either take what the LW wrote in the letter to be a marginally accurate representation of what is going on or why bother reading and commenting at all? the thing is, he has a 4 yr old daughter. Seriously, this makes my blood boil. Your argument that consenting adults should never have sex unless theyre prepared to become parents neglects the fact that not only do we have the means to significantly reduce the risk of pregnancy, we have extremely safe ways of terminating pregnancies, especially very early on. I asked him why and never got a response back, ever. And, you know, your well reasoned logic and stuff. He must be a complete scumbag, because no one ever has sex without a condom unless they intend to have children or are scumbags. The plain truth is your boyfriend did not think about the consequences of unprotected sex (STDs anyone?) Girls can get caught up in emotions and run wild with feels sometime devilish innocent Established Member Established Members My Ex-girlfriend says she misses me. In the end he is a great dad and we are expecting our second.. a Girl:) So, let it be over. Everyone knows it. He does have a responsibility towards this baby, whether he likes it or not. Category Convertible. And those young boys and those young boys parents have wages garnished for the next 18 years to pay for the rapists child. And the case for this man gets more and more ridiculous. Seriously, there are as many babies in my class as there are classmates. Am I being selfish if I tell him not to go to the doctors appts and be in the labor room? These two ideas cannot be simultaneously true. During the time we both were studying for the bar, we were on a break. Man, I was having a crappy morning and now I feel SO MUCH BETTER, because Im not this LW. April 10, 2012, 5:30 pm. And he has agreed to support the child financially. Rachel, I have a child in the same situation. If she is a crappy mom the kid will be used to interfer unless she can find some sucker that wont let her. But, seriously you should both get tested for STDs. lol. She didnt ask for any help with the other women so why would people be throwing out their opinions on that? 17. Im waiting for the moral and mental gymnastics that say its OK to force a man to spend 18 years paying to provide a good life for the result of his error in judgement, but its not OK to force a woman to spend nine months working to simply give life to the result of her error in judgement. iseeshiny In this situation, there would be no contest of custody or support. April 10, 2012, 7:15 pm. Maybe the man in me is coming out today, but in a time where all you hear about is the War on Women and how dare any man tell a woman what they can and cannot do with their bodies that anyone on here can say this man doesnt have a right to do whatever he pleases with his body. but he wants me and wants to marry me as he said all along My point is if you dont want kids there are always ways to prevent that he chose not to and now he can deal with the consequences. -Got her pregnant If he doesnt own up to his part in creating a child, sorry, I think hes a jerk. I never really got over him and he never got over me. I cant even imagine how a grown man can be deceived into impregnating someone. It seems like you would be even more concerned about this when sleeping with someone you are non-monogamous with. I noticed you dutifully avoided addressing that. Woman are more easily able to get custody and so are more likely to get support. ], Chuck Pelto I cant believe the absurdity of some of these arguments. I was thinking this letter was going to be juicy!! bittergaymark Translation: men should think before they poke but women can do whatever they damn well please. Tim. I told him I wanted nothing to do with him anymore. My point was BOTH of them are responsible NOT just one of them. Addie Pray In most cases a child has been brought into the world consensually, and so both parents should be obligated to support that child. A lottery win implies she is loaded and set for life. You have to give up one or the other. And how can you be mad at the woman? So the system is very one sided. It's not that bad (though I'll take an IUD's 0.6%, thanks). The risk of pregnancy if something goes wrong broken condom, etc. I just found out 4 days ago that my ex got a girl pregnant. female Given that fact base, why wouldnt a woman who wanted a baby (but not a husband) entrap a suitable donor? I was dating my ex girlfriend for 7 months before she broke up with me. Run. Because, since you cannot prevent pregnancy and you cannot prevent sexual transmission of disease, I see no other way to look at it. Dont force him to be. If your girlfriend complains that you never take . Bless her heart. As of now, all he has done is indicated that he wanted her to have an abortion. They dont want to have spirited logical debate, they want to vent and lash out at people. Is this a valid summary? I had no idea most women hated it. thats why both parties should be concerned about preventing pregnancy because you have no idea what the other person is doing. If the woman in question is also 40, I highly doubt her birth control failed. Which includes emotional support, not just financial. Hell, I dont even know the lady in question, and I can tell that shell be a lousy mother, too. I dont believe in forcing people to become parents either. And whether you believe its a child at conception or not, its a scientific fact that conception is what, at the very least, leads to life. So give yourself the time you need to work through this experience. Chuck Pelto Coke didnt have to do anything wrong. Thank God for the real men. For all we know, he used a condom and thought she was on the pill. Its ironic that some of the same people who fire off insults left and right on this forum, feel so offended when someone simply disagrees with them. April 9, 2012, 10:04 pm. She left me for him and and now wants me back. Thanks for noticing, though. While I am pro-choice, I would never have an abortion. And yet men still keep having sex with us. He also said he is furious with this women for wanting to keep the child, because they were only together for 2 minutes. The last 15 girlfriend jokes It's bro's before hoes, not bro's over your girlfriend. I vehemently disagree when it is not in that order. Apparently the LW couldnt trap him either since they broke up. My sister has 3 birth control babies. Wow, thank you so much Lili. The idea that he actually said I would prefer if you had an abortion is laughable. The man should have no say on whether or not she keeps the baby but she should have a LOT of say over his finances for the next 18 years. So, in your opinion, anyone who has sex without wanting to get pregnant is an idiot? That is really fucked up. Admirable restraint indeed. Its always just a hope. Im questioning the inherent fairness of the law today. But now no one wants to deal with it. i completely agree, it is both parties responsibilities to make sure they are preventing pregnancy AND stds. Respect her decision. Temperance And finally we see what youre doing ranting about paternity laws and mens rights on a relationship advice site. Its the law. Well, hey, point out the flaws in what I said, then. But hes no knight in shining armor because he is willing to bare some legally minimal level of responsibility. Seriously, cry me a river you ignorant #**>##!!! Like condoms until you actually know you can trust them. female If it is his child, he owes the child at least something. So, hey, lets jump on him and discuss how vile he is because he didnt take measures to avoid it (and lets do so without any actual proof that he didnt wear a condom, that she wasnt on the pill, and so on). April 9, 2012, 5:14 pm. The you made your choice when you had sex argument goes both ways. You have the proof he banged her and now they have a child together. No clearly this is a brilliant way to be supported for life. You knew he would not or could not be the man you wanted. Barely nine months after we said our final goodbye, he was the father of a baby boy. I am pro-choice, for both woman and for men. Both agreed to cut him out entirely, up to and including child support, so that he was free of any obligation. Model Mustang. Paraphrased of course. Not with hormonal BC, not with 2 methods of BC, not when one of the individuals has been sterilized. Have whatever sex you want. There is no 100 percent way to prevent pregnancy. So yes, if she is trying to trap him, he should be furious at her. We decided to get back together as we cant bear life without each other. evanscr05 I think the LW here should wash her hands of this whole mess and stay away from the drama. Its that theyre more likely to be honest about not wearing them when something bad results. The fact the option to abort or not is a womans right is no secret. In the current system he has the option to opt out any time prior to conception. Its very comforting to hear and I hope to do as good of a job as your mother did. April 9, 2012, 1:49 pm. Or shes against abortion. April 9, 2012, 3:49 pm. Totally personal question, but have you ever been in the position where you had to choose whether or not to have an abortion? Cut your losses and get the hell out. Consider that this child should be the most important thing in his life, more important than you. You are arguing for NO abortion in cases of rape.. However, if a woman has sex with a man, she can make all the choices and decisions, force palimony, and essentially treat that man as their financial slave for the next 18 years. BACKFIRES! I think I said that about my boyfriend was I was about 15. Everything is he: He is in love with you, so in love that he humped another woman; so in love that he wanted to kill a baby to be with you. Terrance Dean. April 10, 2012, 11:41 am. SpaceySteph April 10, 2012, 9:41 am. I honestly dont care if he did or didnt. However, a man should have no such option and should be forced to pay (literally and figuratively) for having sex. We were together for 2 1/2 years, lived together, got a dog together, talked about mar. Hes scum because he plans on abandoning the baby. let us know if he had). ! Id like to hear your explanation as to why that should not be the case. So long as he isnt raping people, who are you to say he has no right to have unprotected sex? A female reader, iz07a +, writes (11 March 2010): my exboyfriend and i have been together for 5 yrs. Pretty sure this: and he is furious with this woman for keeping the baby is the browbeat part. Hes obligated to financially support the baby, which he is willing to do. I came back to re-read because I was worried my reply would be disjointed and confusing (I wrote it tired last night, with a fever), so Im glad that while its not going to win any literary award, it wasnt totally nonsensical! Abandoning a child does. Thats true Yankee vernacular. thats just dumb. Not only to prevent babies but to protect yourself from STDs. Only a valid argument of youre completely unaware of how babies are made and that birth control does not prevent pregnancy but only reduces the likelihood. No interest in fatherhood? Your biological child. The laws are imperfect because the biology of men and women is different. And Im not sure what his being 40 years old has to do with her getting an abortion. Its that men should have as much of a say in whether they want to opt into support as do women. And, again, this is common except with those inflicted with social disorders who cant seem to not say exactly what theyre thinking.